Getting undeneath the behavior

I shouldn't need reminded, but I often do, that behavior isn't usually very cut and dry. Behavior is motivated by our thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, experiences. It's true for adults, and it's true for toddlers. I've been increasingly frustrated with Caden these past few weeks and months. I was not parenting him effectively due to neglecting to get underneath his behavior (and frankly for being in a winter slump). I have felt increasingly detached from Caden, and if I'm feeling those things, perhaps he is too. Snap! That might explains the "twoness" of his behavior.

At the encouragement of some very, very wise counsel, I have gotten off my hiney thus far today and gotten beneath the behavior, and so far, it's been a great day! We've watched tv less, played more. We've had less tantrums, more connections.

So I wonder, how much of this frustration the past few weeks has been my own causing? I think the majority. I've been battling the devils of my own upbringing (read: punitive parenting) and been more and more frustrated with Caden's behavior. While, his behavior wasn't up to par, the issue wasn't with a "bad" kid or the "terrible twos" it was, in my case, failing to understand the root of the behavior, a need for stimulation and connection.

I hope this practical lesson will settle deep enough in my head to pop up as a reminder when I face similar days to the days I have experienced recently. I don't think that this will lead to sunny skies and perfect parenting from here on out (I wish!), but I think this lesson is an important one in the journey of mommyhood.